Becoming a parent changes people in ways they never expect.
For one Malaysian father, it was not just about learning how to care for children, but also learning how to quietly carry emotional exhaustion while trying to keep his family stable.
In an anonymous post shared to XUAN Confession, the 39 year old father opened up about the silent pressure he has been dealing with ever since becoming a dad.
“There’s a kind of exhaustion that cannot be explained”
The father said the tiredness he feels is not physical, but emotional.
According to him, he spends his days trying to hold things together while balancing parenting responsibilities, emotional tension at home, and the constant pressure of staying mentally strong for his children.
During the day, I have to steady everything. At night, I have to care for the children,” he wrote.
He admitted there were many moments when he wanted to speak up, but chose to stay silent because he felt that expressing certain emotions would only make situations worse.
He used to believe communication could fix everything
The father shared that before having children, he would still argue and try to explain himself during conflicts because he believed communication could slowly improve a relationship.
However, over time, he realised that when two people are emotionally disconnected for too long, even repeated efforts can feel meaningless.
Not because I stopped caring, but because I learned to save my energy for more important things,” he said.
Eventually, he became quieter, not out of indifference, but out of exhaustion.
“The one person who cannot lose control is me”
After becoming a father, he said his priorities shifted completely toward his children.
He described constantly worrying about whether they had eaten properly, slept enough, or were feeling unwell.
Even small things, such as hearing his children cough or noticing them lacking energy, would immediately trigger anxiety in him.
But according to him, what drains him the most is not taking care of the children themselves.
Instead, it is the helpless feeling of trying to raise children in an environment where adults are no longer emotionally aligned.
If you remind too much, you’re seen as blaming. If you say nothing, you end up silently dealing with the consequences yourself,” he wrote.
Because of that, he gradually learned to suppress his emotions and avoid escalating conflicts.
He added that children may not understand adult relationships, but they can still feel whether the environment around them is stable.
“That’s why the one person who cannot lose control now is me,” he said.
“Not every relationship can be repaired by one sided effort”
The father also reflected on how emotionally lonely it feels to constantly suppress disappointment while pretending everything is functioning normally.
Although he admitted there are nights when he wonders whether things could have turned out differently if both sides had understood each other better, he said he no longer focuses on emotional wins or losses.
Instead, his main concern now is whether his children can grow up in a stable environment and whether he himself can continue fulfilling his responsibilities without being emotionally drained.
He also acknowledged that not every relationship can be fixed through one sided effort alone.
“Some misunderstandings can be set aside first. But the responsibilities I should carry, I won’t run away from,” he wrote.
Despite everything, the father said he has never regretted becoming a parent.
Rather, it was because of his children that he learned how important it is to remain steady, even while quietly carrying exhaustion no one else sees.
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