For many people, moving to a new country can be a stressful experience. But for one woman, coming to Malaysia unexpectedly taught her something she did not know she needed — the freedom to live without constantly being perfect.
In a now-viral Xiaohongshu post, a woman shared how life in Malaysia helped her ease what she described as the shame of not being excellent enough.
Felt like she had to be perfect all the time
In the post, the woman said that before coming to Malaysia, she used to live in a very tense and “forceful” way.
She explained that she would feel extremely guilty over even small mistakes, such as being late to class, speaking English incorrectly, submitting homework late, or getting stuck during presentations.
Even when it came to dressing up before leaving the house, she said she would wonder whether her outfit was “decent enough”.
Every time something small went wrong, I would keep blaming myself for a long time,” she wrote.
Malaysia taught her that life can be more relaxed
However, after arriving in Malaysia, she slowly realised that life could be much more laid-back.
According to her, people here were generally kind and tolerant.
If someone arrived a little late, teachers would simply smile and let them in. If her English was not fluent, others would patiently wait for her to finish speaking.
Even when she went out in shorts, slippers and a T-shirt, she noticed that no one really cared or judged her.
And when something was not completed perfectly, people around her would often say something along the lines of, “Take your time, it’s okay.”
She said that one sentence alone felt healing every time she heard it.
‘Relaxed doesn’t mean lazy’
The woman added that she later came to understand that being relaxed did not mean being lazy, and being easy-going did not mean one was not improving.
Instead, it meant continuing to live and try, without denying oneself over every tiny imperfection.
Now, I still get nervous, I still make mistakes, and there are still times when I don’t do well. But I’m not as afraid anymore,” she wrote.
She also shared a few reminders she now gives herself: If her English is not good, she can speak slowly. If she does not know how to do her homework, she can slowly fix it. If she is not in a good state, she can rest properly.
And if she does not feel like socialising, she can also eat alone, take a walk, or simply zone out.
“To me, that is not escaping. It is allowing myself to live like an ordinary person,” she said.
Malaysians’ chill way of life left a mark on her
Towards the end of her post, the woman said Malaysia did not suddenly make her a more powerful or impressive person.
Instead, it slowly taught her one thing: people can work hard without being constantly tense.
She said perhaps the reason she likes Malaysia so much is not just because of the weather, scenery, or food, but because it made her feel that it is okay to be ordinary, slow, and occasionally make mistakes.
Everyone is living seriously, but no one is living too forcefully,” she wrote.
Netizens encouraged her to take it slow
Her post later drew many supportive comments from Malaysians, with several telling her not to be too hard on herself.
One netizen said Malaysians would not laugh at her for not speaking English well, adding that language is ultimately for communication.
“As long as the other person understands you, that’s all that matters. Speaking fluent English, Mandarin, French, or any other language doesn’t necessarily make you superior,” the comment read.
Another encouraged her to keep going and not feel anxious, saying that everyone is unique and what matters most is being happy and comfortable.
“Don’t worry about what others think,” the netizen added.
Some also reassured her that it was perfectly fine to live more comfortably, with one comment saying: “You can wear shorts and go without combing your hair, it’s super comfortable!”
Another simply wrote: “Don’t be anxious, enjoy the present.”
