At some point in every friendship, you start quietly taking stock of who gives, who takes and who always seems to be calculating a little too much.
A recent viral post from a Malaysian woman sparked exactly that kind of friendship audit after she shared how her friend, despite having RM20k saved in her bank account, asked to borrow RM20 for food because she did not want to touch her savings.
The confession immediately set off a wave of relatable stories, frustrations and brutally honest advice from Malaysians who have dealt with similar financial imbalances in their own friendships.
The story that started the debate
According to the woman, her friend proudly showed her ASB balance of RM20,000. The very next day, that same friend asked to borrow RM20 to buy food.
Confused, she asked the obvious question: “Where is all your money?”
Her friend replied that she refused to touch her savings. Left in an awkward situation, the woman turned to the internet and asked: “How do I respond without hurting her feelings?”
What M’sians said
Some netizens said the safest option is to avoid lending money entirely.
One comment read: ‘Do not lend her money. Just give her RM5 and say, I do not have as much savings as you but I cannot bear to see you hungry and borrowing here and there.’
Another summed it up perfectly:
- The ‘no money but always flex’ friend
They have no savings but always post branded food, expensive trips and luxury items. Their wallet is crying quietly inside. - The ‘secretly rich friend’
They have money but always reply, “I am broke” whenever you ask them to spend on anything. - The ‘financially capable but ultra calculative friend’
They have the means to buy anything and travel anywhere but still calculate every small expense before spending.
So what is the right way to respond?
The response depends on one thing. How much of a boundary you want to set.
It is okay to protect your own finances. It is okay to say no. And it is definitely okay to avoid being the designated lender just because someone else refuses to use their own money.
Friendships should feel fair. Even when the amount is small, the pattern often reveals more than the number.
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