Living with HIV is a nightmare no person wishes to go through as it’s not only an incurable disease that lasts a lifetime, but also subjects them to shame and rejection.
A local man who was stricken with the disease poured his heart out in an anonymous confession where he shared the deep loneliness and pain he experienced after he discovered he had HIV.
Contracted HIV from ex-GF
In the confession, the OP wrote that most assumed he had lived a reckless life that caused him to be infected with HIV. But according to him, this wasn’t the case.
“I don’t drink, gamble, or have a complicated romantic history as I’ve only ever had one girlfriend.
It was only much later did I find out I had contracted HIV. I don’t blame my ex-girlfriend because she didn’t know she was infected at the time and wasn’t treated for it.
“As for how the virus was transmitted to me, my doctor deduced It could’ve been due to improper condom use, a condom breaking, or other possible routes of transmission.”
While the OP admitted that he’d still feel resentful from time to time, he had come to accept his condition and continue treatment as per his doctor’s instructions.
After three years of treatment, the OP’s viral load had reached undetectable levels and he was told by the doctor that as long as he continued the treatment and maintained the viral load, he was free to mingle and even have his own family.
‘What if she rejects me?’
Despite the doctor’s assurances and the OP’s longing want to build his own family, he said he simply couldn’t get past the psychological barriers posed by his HIV diagnosis.
“When I meet women who were interested in me, including one who was exactly my type, I choose to back away as I don’t dare to pursue further or reciprocate their feelings.
“That’s because I keep wondering: What if she finds out that I’m living with HIV? Would she still be willing to date me? Even if she’s willing, would her parents accept me? What if she ends up having family conflicts because of me?”
‘I deserve love too’
The OP added that although there were times where he believed he would be better off staying single, his resolve would crumble whenever he sees others getting married or having their own families.
“I can’t help but to feel jealous as I too want someone by my side and a family of my own. I know that I have the chance to experience that kind of life, yet I keep turning those opportunities away because I’m afraid of others discovering the truth.”
The OP also asked for advice on what he should do if he crossed paths with a woman he was interested.
“Should I tell her about my condition as soon as we get to know each other, or should I wait until we’ve developed a certain level of emotional intimacy before having an honest conversation about it?
I know I can’t expect everyone to accept me, but I also don’t want to believe that having HIV means I’m undeserving of love and a family.
What advice would you give to OP here? Share with us in the comments!
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