A husband has opened up about the financial strain in his marriage, saying that despite both him and his wife working, he constantly ends up in debt while she is able to save thousands of Ringgit each month.
In a post, the father of two questioned whether family expenses should fall so heavily on one partner when both husband and wife earn similar salaries.
Covers most household expenses
According to the man, both he and his wife work and earn roughly the same amount. However, they have struggled to agree on how their household finances should be managed.
At present, he claimed that he pays for all expenses related to their elder child, as well as household expenses and his own commitments.
His wife, meanwhile, allegedly covers her own expenses and those of their younger child. The arrangement, he said, leaves him in the red almost every month.
His wife, on the other hand, apparently has around RM2,000 to RM3,000 left for herself each month.
When he raised the issue, he claimed she told him that the remaining money belonged to her.
She said that’s her money. The children are partly my responsibility, so no matter what, I have to take responsibility.”
Bonus allegedly goes towards clearing debt
The man said his annual bonus rarely feels like extra income because he has to use it to clear debts accumulated throughout the previous year. Even then, he claimed his wife would ask why he had not given her a portion of his bonus.
He had hoped things would improve once their elder child enters primary school next year, as the expenses would supposedly be lower than kindergarten fees. However, he claimed his wife then proposed switching responsibilities.
She would pay for the elder child, while he would take over the younger child’s more expensive kindergarten costs.
To him, this meant the situation would remain largely unchanged, with his wife continuing to have more disposable income while he struggled financially.
Questions whether family expenses should be shared more equally
The man said what frustrated him most was the belief that he should automatically shoulder the larger financial burden simply because he is the father and husband.
He questioned whether raising a family should instead involve both partners contributing based on what they can afford.
He also claimed that his wife often compared their situation with other couples, asking why some wives did not need to work, why other husbands provided household allowances, and why other families could afford frequent outings.
But according to him, even a simple family meal outside could become uncomfortable when it was time to pay.
Despite knowing he was already struggling financially, he claimed his wife would still wait for him to settle the bill.
No emergency savings
The situation has also affected what the family can afford.
The man said changing their car or home was currently out of the question, while they did not even have a proper emergency fund.
He added that even buying his mother a gift for Mother’s Day required careful consideration because his fixed commitments already took up most of his salary.
What made the situation more painful, he said, was believing that the family could have been financially comfortable if they had managed their money differently.
According to the man, disagreements about money have become even harder because his wife would allegedly threaten to leave with their two children whenever he pushed back.
For now, he said he could only hope that the family would eventually find a way out of their current situation.
