A Malaysian mother has opened up about the quiet exhaustion she feels in her 10-year marriage, saying that while there is no cheating or major fighting, she often finds herself thinking about divorce.
In an anonymous confession, the woman said she and her husband have been married for a decade and share a four-year-old son.
However, she said what has been wearing her down is not one big issue, but the daily mental load of managing the family almost entirely on her own.
Been together since she graduated
According to the woman, she is more than 10 years younger than her husband and they got together shortly after she graduated from university.
She described herself as someone from a fairly comfortable family background and said she used to be cheerful and outgoing.
During their early years together, the couple went through several breakups and reconciliations before eventually living together and later getting married.
Before she turned 30, the couple had what she described as the “three things” many people work towards, which were a car, a house and a child.
However, after becoming a dual-income family and parents, she said their relationship slowly became consumed by work, chores and daily responsibilities.
Things changed after having a child
The woman said that when it was just the two of them, she used to overlook many of her husband’s habits.
For example, she said they used separate toilets, washed their own clothes, and did housework casually without much pressure.
At the time, she said she could close one eye even when he left the toilet dirty, forgot to hang the laundry until it smelled bad, or failed to clean up after himself properly.
However, things changed after they had a child.
She said she started expecting him to help keep the house clean and safe, especially after their child began crawling.
This included washing dishes on the same day, cleaning the toilet properly, hanging the laundry right after washing it, and mopping the floor daily.
Over time, she said these small daily issues built up, making her feel like she had become a “resentful woman”, while her husband felt more like another “big son” at home.
‘My brain never rests’
The mother said that after having a child, her mind has never truly rested.
From choosing milk powder, diapers, baby products and solid food when her child was younger, to researching kindergartens and preparing costumes for school activities, she said most of the planning was done by her.
On top of that, she also handles many household matters that often go unnoticed.
These include remembering when the water filter needs servicing, when the car insurance and road tax are due, when to order gas, when to close the windows during fogging, and even when the toilet is leaking or getting mouldy.
She said it often feels like she is the only person in the house who notices what needs to be done.
When she asks her husband for his opinion, he would sometimes say that she would not be satisfied with his answer anyway.
At other times, she claimed he would simply rely on ChatGPT to respond to her.
The woman said she has also reflected on herself and wondered whether she had rejected his ideas too often in the past.
However, she added that if she does not bring certain things up, no one else in the house will.
Earns the same but still handles most things
The woman said she would be more accepting if the arrangement was that her husband focused on earning money while she took on more of the household responsibilities.
However, she said that is not the case.
According to her, she earns about the same as her husband and sometimes even more.
She added that both of them contribute equally to the family financially.
Despite this, she said most of the childcare duties naturally fall on her because her working hours are more fixed, while her husband often comes home late due to meetings or work-related social events.
After picking up their child, she said she still has to handle bathing, cooking, feeding and playing with the child.
Meanwhile, when her husband comes home late, she said his main interest is usually sitting on the sofa, watching shows or playing games.
Uncomfortable with mother-in-law entering private spaces
The woman also shared that her mother-in-law occasionally comes over to stay and help with housework, such as collecting laundry, folding clothes and mopping the floor.
While she initially tolerated it, she said she later became uncomfortable when her mother-in-law allegedly started showing up without informing her.
She claimed that her mother-in-law would also enter the master bedroom, open the wardrobe drawers and reorganise her clothes and undergarments.
According to the woman, this happens every one to two weeks.
She said she had strongly expressed her discomfort to her husband, but he could not understand why she was unhappy when someone was helping with the housework.
In the end, she said it made her feel like she was the ungrateful one.
Says husband is not a bad person
Despite everything, the woman admitted that her husband is not a bad person.
She said he has a good temper, is willing to do what she asks, and gives her his money to manage.
However, she said even when she gives him instructions, he may only complete about half of what is expected.
She added that he does not place any demands on her either.
Still, she said she constantly feels torn between staying and leaving.
She said she almost always thinks about divorce, but at the same time, a bigger part of her still hopes that the family can continue moving forward together.
Ending her confession, she questioned what she should do next if the marriage no longer makes her happy, and what she needs to change if she still cannot bear to give it up.
