A Malaysian woman had long wondered why growing up, she was never able to sense that her adoptive parents truly loved or cared for her.
It wasn’t until she reached adulthood did she come to know of a dark secret that would answer all of her burning questions but destroy her self-worth in the process.
Rejected & abused by family
In an anonymous confession, the woman wrote she was adopted as a baby and doesn’t remember being brought up in a particularly happy environment.
She said her days were often filled with fear and pain, where she’d witnessed her parents having constant fights and her father physically abusing her, which worsened when he was in a foul mood.
To further add on to her pain and loneliness, the woman said she was shunned by her relatives as they saw her as an “outsider” due to her being adopted.
“Whenever something went missing at home, some relatives would immediately suspect that I had taken it. They would even tell their own children not to get too close to me,” she recalled.
Struggled with forgiveness
As she entered adulthood, the woman did her best to care for her parents despite her unhappy upbringing as she felt it was her filial duty.
Unfortunately, her care wasn’t appreciated by her parents, where her mum would scold her over the smallest things whenever she visited.
“I always tell myself that she’s older now and has health problems, so perhaps her emotions are genuinely harder to control. But honestly, every time I leave, I still feel deeply hurt inside.
“Sometimes, when my parents say things that really hurt me, I’ll go home and pray, hoping that God will give me a heart that can forgive them.
“I know they raised me, and I also know that I should be grateful for that, so I’ve always told myself not to hold things against them.”
Despite her best efforts, the woman couldn’t shake off the gnawing thought that she’d be better off if her parents had disowned her.
Finds out about secret
Amidst all these doubts, the woman had a secret revealed to her by a relative, which explained her parents’ lack of love and abusive treatment of her.
“Before my parents adopted me, their marriage was on the rocks and they were close to filing for a divorce.
They later decided to adopt me with the hope that with having a child would give them a reason to hold the family together again.
“I always thought my parents didn’t like me because I wasn’t good enough, but now I realise I was actually a lifeline for their marriage.”
Shattered by the secret, the woman says she’s now torn over whether she should continue being filial to her parents.
“Should I continue trying to be a dutiful daughter, or am I allowed to admit that in fact, they’ve hurt me very deeply too?
“For a child who never truly felt loved growing up, how much time does it take for me to finally learn to stop questioning whether I’m worthy of being loved?”
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