Caring for a loved one with dementia can be emotionally challenging, but for one Malaysian woman, the experience has also unexpectedly helped her family find healing.
In a Facebook post shared in Dementia Group Malaysia, Leong Jui Chuan opened up about caring for her 83-year-old father, who has been living with dementia since 2023.
She recently brought him for a ride on the LRT3, explaining that while he is still able to walk and eat normally, he often needs reassurance about his surroundings.
“Today I brought my 83-year-old father, who has had dementia since 2023, to ride the LRT3.
“He can still walk and eat well. We just need to reassure him about where he is, what time it is, what date it is and what we are doing today,” she wrote.
Once climbed over the fence and wandered outside
Jui Chuan shared that there are also moments when her father becomes confused and starts searching through the house.
On one occasion, he even climbed over the fence and wandered outside until someone found him and brought him to a police station.
Her father currently lives with Jui Chuan’s mother and brother, while Jui Chuan, who is married and stays elsewhere, tries to return every other day to spend time with him.
Whenever possible, she brings him to a coffee shop or park to see other people, socialise and experience a change of surroundings.
She said these activities are meant to stimulate his brain and hopefully slow the progression of his dementia.
At home, the family also keeps him occupied with activities such as board games, Snakes and Ladders, puzzles, UNO and stacking games.
They also ask him simple maths and spelling questions, get him to count money, ask him questions related to the day, and encourage him to speak other languages that he understands.
Worked until he was 80
According to Jui Chuan, her father previously worked as a secretary for a Chinese traders’ association until he was 80 years old.
However, after developing cataracts, he underwent surgery but his eyesight did not fully recover as the nerves in his eyes had deteriorated.
As he could no longer see well enough to read and write, he eventually had to stop working.
“After he stopped working, he had no direction and stayed at home every day. His brain became less active, and that was when his dementia started getting worse,” Jui Chuan wrote.
The experience also led her to reflect on how people live their lives when they are younger.
“When you’re young, think, speak and do good things. Because when you grow old, those things may repeat themselves without you realising it,” she wrote.
Family spent 3 months clearing his room
Jui Chuan also shared that her father had previously been someone who kept an excessive amount of belongings.
After developing dementia, however, he could no longer remember many of the physical items he owned and no longer seemed concerned about them.
Seeing this, the family gradually began organising his belongings.
It took them around three months to throw away broken and unused items and clear out his room so that it became tidier and more comfortable to live in.
Jui Chuan said one positive outcome from her father’s condition was that the family was finally able to reorganise his room and give him a cleaner, more spacious and orderly living environment.
“We were able to release the bad energy that came from the hoarding,” she wrote.
‘It was actually healing for everyone’
More importantly, Jui Chuan said her father’s dementia unexpectedly gave the family an opportunity to make peace with difficult memories from the past.
She shared that her parents’ relationship had not always been good when she was younger, leaving behind painful memories for the family.
My father’s dementia has allowed us to forgive the negative things that happened to our family when we were young.
“I forgave the unhappy memories, forgave myself, and it was actually healing for everyone,” she wrote.
Instead of dwelling on frustration whenever her father behaves differently because of dementia, Jui Chuan said the family now tries to approach the situation positively.
“Whatever he does, we just think of him as being cute.
“Sometimes when he acts up, we treat him like a little child who still doesn’t know any better,” she wrote.
For Jui Chuan and her family, caring for her father remains an ongoing journey, but it has also given them a different perspective on forgiveness, family and making the most of the time they still have together.
