A Malaysian man recently shared a heartbreaking account of how his life slowly spiralled despite academic success, saying he now feels like he is starting from zero.
His story was shared anonymously on XUAN’s Facebook page.
In the post, the OP questioned if life really has to be this hard, recounting a journey filled with academic achievements, personal struggles and repeated setbacks.
Grew up feeling lost despite
The OP said he was born into a family that was not financially struggling. As the only boy among five older sisters, he was expected to do well.
However, he described himself as someone who did not know where he belonged. At home, there were frequent arguments between his parents and tension between his mother and sisters, making him feel caught in between.
“As a child, I’d act pitiful or foolish just to gain attention. I saw himself as short, fat and stupid.
“My mother once promised to buy ice cream if I scored 100 marks or placed in the top five in class. I achieved my first ever 100 marks but did not make it into the top five. I never got the ice cream.
That was the first time I felt like no matter how hard I tried, I was always never enough,” he wrote.
Addiction, stealing and a turning point
Secondary school proved to be even more difficult.
After moving from a Chinese primary school to an English speaking secondary school, the OP struggled to understand lessons. Instead of asking for help, he avoided studying and became addicted to mobile games.
He eventually began stealing money from home to fund in-game purchases.
“At that time, I wasn’t skilled. But I had money, so people were willing to play with me. That was the first time I felt I was needed.”
When his actions were discovered, he said it made him turn his attention back to his studies.
Scored 9As and 4.0 CGPA
As such, the OP was able to score 6As in Form 3 and 9As in SPM although his English and Malay paper results were not ideal.
Despite these results, he failed to secure any scholarships and was lost a potential job due to his poor English proficiency.
Determined to prove he wasn’t useless, the OP worked part-time and earned around RM100 a day. He later enrolled into STPM before receiving an opportunity to enter Matriculation.
There, he said he finally found a supportive group of friends who accepted him for who he was. With their support, he graduated with a 4.0 CGPA.
“I thought my life was finally about to turn around.”
University isolation and pressure
Although the OP was later accepted into a local public university, the transition was anything but smooth.
Without his old friends around, he struggled to fit in with his new classmates and felt isolated after two months.
He also began skipping classes and hiding at his sister’s house to self study while asking others to mark attendance on his behalf.
An assignment incident further worsened matters. After referencing a senior’s answers and producing similar work, he said he was labelled “selfish” even though he was honest about it.
2024 becomes a breaking point
In his second semester, the OP barely attended classes and told his mother he wanted to move out, transfer universities or at least get a car, but she dismissed him as being dramatic.
He later moved to West Malaysia and stayed with his sister, hoping to work and prove himself. However, things escalated when he fell into what he described as an “easy money trap”, which resulted in legal trouble.
“At that moment, I felt my life was completely ruined. I tried to restart my life by working again at RM100 a day, but after a year, I had no savings and felt I had lost my dignity.”
Rejected from returning to school
Now, the OP says he wants to return to his studies, but he has been rejected as he no longer meets the requirements.
Why does my life always feel like it is going downhill? I am really tired. Can I give up?” he ranted.
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