The emotional weight of caregiving can be incredibly heavy—especially when you’re carrying it all alone.
A Malaysian woman recently shared her heartbreaking story anonymously through XUAN’s Facebook page, revealing how her own brothers abandoned their responsibility towards their ageing parents and left her to bear it all.
Left to care alone while siblings move on
Growing up in a moderately comfortable family, the woman lived with her parents and two older brothers. Both brothers are now married with families of their own, while she remains single and stays at home with their parents.
As their parents grew older, her mother became increasingly immobile and is now completely dependent on others.
Her father’s health also declined, with frequent hospital stays becoming the norm. Since she lives with them, all caregiving responsibilities naturally fell onto her shoulders.
She explained how her life had become consumed by caregiving, with barely any personal time left—even weekends were no longer hers.
Every time they need to go to the hospital, I’m the one who has to take leave,” she wrote.
A discussion turned ugly
Hoping for some support, she once suggested the idea of placing their mother in a nursing home and splitting the cost among the siblings.
The monthly cost for a non-self-sufficient elderly person is at least RM4,000. If we split it three ways, each of us would need to pay around RM1,400.”
But the moment money came into the picture, her brothers backed out. One said he couldn’t afford it, while the other simply told her to apply for financial aid.
Despite not helping with day-to-day care or even hospital visits, they had plenty of excuses when asked to share the load.
She said they were either “too busy” or “not allowed to take leave,” and whenever she wanted a break on weekends, they dodged responsibility with reasons like tuition classes, dance lessons, or their wives needing to return to their family homes.
The comment that broke her
Eventually, the tension led to a heated argument. Out of frustration, she exclaimed, “Don’t force me to throw our parents out on the street!”
Instead of being shocked, one of her brothers replied coldly:
If that’s what you want to do, we can’t stop you. Do what you want. If you’re not afraid of getting struck by lightning, then go ahead and throw them out.”
She was heartbroken. Hearing that truly shattered her. She couldn’t understand why the responsibility of caring for their parents had to fall solely on her.
“Why does being single mean I have to be morally blackmailed? Why is filial piety treated like the sole duty of the unmarried sibling, instead of a shared responsibility among all of us?” she lamented.
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