For many couples, planning a wedding is supposed to be one of the happiest moments of their lives.
But for one Malaysian bride-to-be, it has instead become what she describes as “fighting a wedding” after her decision to skip a traditional banquet was met with strong resistance from both families.
In a viral post shared online, the woman revealed that she and her fiancé had long agreed they did not want to hold a lavish wedding reception, preferring instead to keep things simple and spend their money on more practical priorities.
Wanted to skip the banquet and focus on their future instead
According to her, the couple had initially planned to register their marriage, take wedding photos, enjoy a honeymoon, and use the rest of their savings for home renovations or even their future children’s education without hosting a banquet.
She explained that to them, wedding receptions felt “expensive, exhausting, and performative,” adding that the bride and groom often end up feeling more like event staff than the stars of the occasion.
Having attended and helped out at numerous weddings before, she said she had seen firsthand how newlyweds often spend the entire night greeting guests, posing for photos, going table to table for toasts, and answering intrusive questions from relatives.
In many cases, she noted, the couple barely even gets time to eat at their own wedding.
‘We spend tens of thousands just to entertain others’
The woman also highlighted the financial burden of modern wedding banquets, pointing out that costs can easily spiral into tens of thousands of ringgit.
She estimated that with banquet tables costing over RM2,000 each, a 20-table reception alone could exceed RM40,000, excluding other expenses such as photography, makeup, wedding attire, venue décor, emcees, sound systems, and drinks.
To spend the price of a car on one night just so everyone can eat, take photos, and go home feels unreasonable,” she wrote.
Parents insist wedding banquet is necessary
Things reportedly became more complicated when both sets of parents found out the couple had no plans to hold a reception.
According to the bride-to-be, her mother worried others would gossip that her daughter “couldn’t get married properly,” while her fiancé’s mother argued that not inviting relatives would make future social obligations awkward.
Meanwhile, her father insisted that “you only get married once,” and her fiancé’s father claimed that without a banquet, the marriage would not feel official.
What began as a personal decision between the couple soon became, in her words, “a project for four parents.”
She said both families immediately began discussing guest lists, venues, table counts, and which relatives “must” be invited.
I’m calculating the budget. They’re calculating face,” she remarked.
‘If we can’t decide our own wedding, what about the rest of our lives?’
Reflecting on the broader issue, the woman said many young couples today face a similar contradiction.
While they are the ones paying for the wedding and building the marriage, major decisions are often still heavily influenced by family expectations.
She ended her post with a question that resonated with many online: “If we can’t even decide our own wedding, then after marriage, will the rest of our lives also be decided by others?”
