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In early 2022, Alif Rosehaizad was exactly where many young professionals aspire to be.
Eight years into corporate communications, he had built vast experience across the tech industry, construction, and a government agency.
His daily work revolved around branding, digital media, media relations, internal communications and events.
In his previous role, things were especially intense as he regularly dealt with ministers and ministries. It was fast-paced, structured, and ambitious.
Earlier that year, he had just been promoted to a managerial position for the first time in his life.
But just months later, he handed in his resignation letter, not because of burnout, not because of a better offer.
It was all because his mother lost her ability to move.
Growing up
Outside of work, Alif was someone who thrived on new experiences.
He loved trying food from different cultures, planning small adventures with close friends, and spending time in nature, with scaling Mount Kinabalu remaining as one of his favourite memories.
I would say I was someone who was very lively in my own way. I love new adventures, trying new things, new food from different cultures and experiencing them with my close circle of friends.
As the third child out of six brothers, growing up in a big family shaped me into someone who was deeply family-oriented,” he said.
With his older brothers often away at boarding school, Alif became more conscious about being present for his younger siblings.
I love getting the family together for meals, helping my mother and being present for my younger brothers by advising them about studies and career paths.”
At the centre of their family was his mother, a strong matriarch whose presence filled any room she walked into.
She made a lot of important decisions for everyone in the family. Her presence was loud and made everyone in the room happy.
She was also known for her cooking, especially her nasi lemak, nasi minyak and signature nasi dagang—dishes that relatives still talk about today,” he added.
Like any other child growing up, Alif went through his own “rebellious teen” phase and often fought with his mother.
But when he became an adult, his perspective changed drastically, and both he and his mother learnt to appreciate each other more.
In fact, I consider him to be one of my best friends,” he beamed.
Life-altering news
In June 2022, the family had just celebrated his mother’s birthday at home. Then a message came in, stating she had been admitted to the ICU.
At midnight, she had a cardiac arrest and was put into an induced coma. My first instinct was to pick my brother up from university and get everyone together. There was little time to process it at all.”
Seeing his mother in a hospital bed was something Alif was unprepared for.
She looked so pale I could barely recognise her. It was the first time in my entire life seeing her so weak and helpless while hooked to machines and tubes.”
Doctors later explained that she had suffered Hypoxic-Ischemic Encephalopathy.
Until today, I can’t even pronounce that term properly, let alone understand what it meant at that time.”
The only thing I understood was that life would never return to what it was. I’ve never prayed so hard for my mother to just wake up,” recounted Alif.
An impossible adjustment
Although Alif’s mother did wake up later, she was fully paralysed and unable to speak. For Alif, the heartbreak was not just medical. It was also deeply personal.
Knowing who she was when she was healthy, it was the most heartbreaking thing in the world.”
“I cried alone in hospital parking lots during those early days. Yet even in grief, practical decisions had to be made. We had to move quickly to think and decide about what we were going to do post-discharge. That helped to keep me grounded.”
At the same time, Alif’s corporate responsibilities did not pause. Even while his mother was warded, he continued working away.
I was at the peak of my career while all this was happening. Earlier that year, I had stepped into a managerial role with team members under me.
I attended meetings, handled responsibilities, and brought my laptop to the hospital to work right next to my mother’s hospital bed.”
“But my anxiety was also at its peak, and I started losing sleep. There were times I went for days without sleeping.”
In the end, Alif made the difficult decision to walk away from a career that he had painstakingly spent years building.
When you start working, you have a ‘map’ of where you want to be every year. Suddenly, you have to pause that and are uncertain if you will have to start again from scratch.”
And of course, leaving his job also meant that his financial situation would no longer be the same.
Back then, I had enough to cover my monthly commitments, travel occasionally, and maintain a stable lifestyle. Now, it is mostly about surviving.
However, I didn’t make the choice impulsively as my family discussed at length beforehand.”
Learning to be a caregiver
With no medical training, Alif had to build his knowledge on how to care for an ailing family member from the ground up.
I’ve always been someone who’s very systematic and obsessive when learning any new skills.
Thus, I was able to create detailed guides for myself, complete with references and video links, after observing nurses closely and taking notes,” he said.
But Alif also recalled the early stage of caregiving being a scary experience for him.
“One time, I panicked and called my brother from the hospital because I was really scared to perform phlegm suction on my mother. I also found tracheostomy care, wound dressing and daily hygiene intimidating.
My family even considered sending my mother to nursing homes, as none of us thought that we would have the capacity to take care of someone who’s fully paralysed. Yet, we all chose to learn instead.”
Today, Alif has largely eased into his caregiving routine, but it remains demanding as his days revolve around diaper changing, feeding his mother five times daily, repositioning her every two hours, physiotherapy, wound care, medication tracking and hospital visits.
“I feel exhausted and barely have any energy, but I don’t understand why, since I’m not working. I suppose it’s because I forgot how physically and mentally demanding caregiving is,” he explained.
I often break down mentally, too. Since then, burnout, panic attacks and emotional fatigue have become part of the journey. But it’s okay to feel sad, angry and confused as it’s what makes us human.”
Alif also shared that within a year, four private nurses resigned, but he fully understands why it’s difficult for them to stay.
Caring for someone who cannot respond verbally can feel isolating. But instead of being discouraged, it instead strengthened my resolve.
“I don’t mind the silence as I just talk to my mother as usual, and I believe that she can hear us.”
Alif also credits unwavering support from his brothers as a crucial factor, where he practices a structured duty roster with them to this day.
Purpose over job positions
Alif began posting caregiving tutorials after realising a lack of Malay-language references in the field, and it has been making a positive impact on others.
There are a lot of comments that thanked me for being their guide when they were lost.”
“One instance I remember clearly was a 17-year-old who asked me how to avoid his mother, who was bedridden due to a stroke. That message really broke my heart.”
Alif also completed a Fundamentals of Caregiving course and began speaking publicly about caregiving.
It feels like this is not just about being a caregiver anymore, but being a voice in the care industry.”
When asked what keeps him going, his answer is simple.
Seeing my mother looking clean, healthy, comfortable and well taken care of is enough.“
@alifr0z Closing the 2025 chapter. Leaving this here for my future self.
♬ Ghibli style, Japanese beauty, fireworks, piano solo(1585174) – Minaco
“During a hospital consultation, a specialist remarked that for someone bedridden for that long, my mother looked remarkably healthy, as it was apparent that we were taking care of her really well.”
This truly convinced me that I made the right decision to quit my job, and there is zero regret.”
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